Before I Turn 20| Carenza Bramwell

As I'm writing and posting this, it is 6 months until my 20th birthday. I'll no longer be a teenager and I'll have to be a proper adult. In todays post, I am going to share with you guys five things I want to do before I turn 20. Once I have turned 20, I will write a follow up post about if I have completed those five things. I am splitting this into three categories and they are work, personal and university.

Work

One of my goals of things I want to do before I turn 20 is gain some experience in the creative industries. As I do a creative writing degree, it probably doesn't come as a surprise that I want to work in the creative sector. When it comes to this goal, I just want to gain a small amount of experience. Even if this is volunteer experience, any experience is better than no experience.

 I also want to work fully on one of my own projects as a part of this goal. I'm not expecting by the time I turn 20 to have a TV deal with Netflix, just to be on the way to achieving that goal. 

Personal

One of my biggest goals is to do some solo travelling. I might potentially be going inter-railing this summer, however, if that doesn't work, I'd like to do some solo travelling within the UK. I've always wanted to visit Ireland so I might just hop on a ferry and head over there for a week. I haven't done many solo trips beyond visiting London by myself a few times and I want to take that a bit further.

Another goal is to experience living by myself for a bit. I am planning on staying in my university accommodation in Bristol over the summer and most of the people I live with are moving home for the summer, meaning I will be the only on here for the majority of the summer. This ties into moving out once I've graduated and having some experience by myself would be great. 

University

A big goal for this year is to finish my second year of uni with a solid 2:1 grade. I've spoken about this a lot, but my health hasn't been great this academic year and has sadly been getting in the way of how I live my everyday life. If I can finish this year with a solid 2:1, I will be over the moon.

Those are some of the goals I have and want to achieve before I turn 20. I've got six months to achieve them and as I've already said, I will be making an update to this post once I've actually turned 20.

Carenza :) x 

Outgrowing "CarenzaOnBooks"- Why I Changed My Blog Name| Carenza Bramwell

If you have been following my blog since it began almost five years ago, then you will know that it has undergone two name changes already. Recently, I made the decision to change my blog's name to just my name and I thought I would explain why in this post. 

Books Still Interest Me

I feel that I should start with the fact that books are still a massive part of my life. I am still an avid reader and collector of books. This isn't something that is going to change over night. However, I wanted my blog to reflect all my interests, something that I'll explain in a later section of this post. I feel that by having books in the title it limited me to one style of content. It became very narrowing as a writer to just talk about books. I want to be able to talk freely on my blog about anything that takes my fancy. This is part of the reason why I have changed the name to just my name. 

Reflect My Interests

As I mentioned in the previous section, I want my blog to reflect my interests as a whole. While books are undeniably a huge part of my life, there are so many more of my interests that I want to share as well. I love talking about movies, TV shows and the theatre. I also want to write about my experience as a student while I'm still a student. Travel is something that I want to talk about as well. By having "OnBooks" in the name, it felt like I could only talk about books and it reached a point where I was feeling creatively uninspired having to talk about books all the time. I also felt that I was recycling the same posts over and over. I will continue to share some of the "old" style blog posts such as Wrap Ups and so on, but I want to branch out into slightly different content. 

Putting Myself in One Box

This might sound like I'm repeating myself at this point, but something that is really important to me is that I don't stick myself in one box when it comes to me and my content. I don't want to be like "oh, this is Carenza, she only likes books". As I've already said, there is so much more to me than books and I want to share that with the world. Making this decision was really easy and I'm so happy that I was able to branch away.

What Does This Mean?

Nothing major is changing, I'm still going to be blogging. The only thing that is changing is my content will now cover a wider range of topics. I would like to think of myself as a "culture" blogger now. I'll still talk about books, but I'll talk about creative issues, different medias (TV, Movie, Theatre etc) and so much more. 

Carenza :) x  

Audible- Is It All It's Cracked Up to Be?| Carenza Bramwell

For the first time in my life, I caved in and got an Audible subscription. I had my account from the end of August to the end of November and I thought I would share with you guys my honest experience with Audible. If you are thinking of getting an Audible account, then look no further for a review from a fellow bookworm.

Just a quick note before I get into the main section of this post, but this is coming from a UK perspective. Many of the posts I found when I was researching were from US users. There is a big difference between how it works between the two countries. 

Why I Got My Account?

I got my account after listening to a free audiobook of Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor. This has since become one of my favourite books and I needed the audiobook to book 2 immediately. So I started my account. I got my two free audiobooks and happily started my journey as an audiobook user.  

Pros and Cons

For me, the main pro was that it increased the amount of books I was reading at the time. I could use the time between home and university to cram in some reading without having to lug a huge book around with me. 

That, sadly, is where the pros stop for me. As someone based in the UK, I found that the selection of audiobooks available to me was extremely limited compared to what I knew of people using it in America. During my time on Audible, I think I listened to two audiobooks I adored and the rest were okay. 

Another con is the price. For £7.99, you only get one Audible credit. I could listen to my audiobook in about a week and then have to spend the rest of the time waiting for credit day to roll around. I have a feeling that in America, you get more audiobooks per month than you do in the UK. 

After a few months of listening to audiobooks at this price and having to wait to get a new one, I decided that it was best for me if I end my subscription. I do still have two audiobooks to listen to, but I can't see myself getting an account again anytime soon.

Is It Worth It?

I would have to say that I personally didn't find my account worth the money I was spending. I was ultimately disappointed by the lack of selection of books, especially of the ones I was most interested in. It was fun for a few months, but I don't think I'll be taking out a long-term account.  

Please remember that this is just my personal experience and that other readers might have had a more positive experience than myself.

Carenza :) x 

My University Life- The Halfway Point| Carenza Bramwell

It genuinely terrifies me that I am somehow writing this, but I am just over halfway through my time at university. It's cliched to say, but it does feel like yesterday that I was starting uni and somehow I am now a year away from finishing my degree. In today's post, I will be looking back at my first half of my degree. 

The Academic Side

In my first year at university, if I'm being honest, I didn't feel as challenged as a writer as I do now. I felt like I was slowly drifting between projects and assignments. Oh, if I could go back to that now. I am reaching a point where I am so busy with my uni work that it is extremely overwhelming. Nothing quite prepares you for that jump between first and second year. The amount of work I have to do this year is a lot. I do also feel that there are periods where I am so busy I could cry and then there are periods where it feels that I have nothing to do. I would like to find more of a natural balance between these two times rather than running around in a chaotic way. 

Something that I have found interesting in the difference between first and second year is which types of writing I have found the most enjoyable. In first year, I definitely enjoyed fiction and script the most, whereas this year I have enjoyed my copywriting module more. I've also spotted that I have worked out a good work ethic when it comes to my work.

When it comes to the grades I have been getting, they have always been usually around the same mark. I have had a few that have been either higher or lower than average, but I am happily on my way to graduating with a solid 2:1, which is what I want. 

Overall, I would say that I've found the academic side of my time at uni thought-provoking and I would say that I am a better writer than I was when I started. I've discovered a lot about myself as a writer and the type of work I want to go into after I graduate. It's also inspired me to potential pursue a masters in scriptwriting once I finish. 

The Social Side

I have to say that I have noticed that I am way more social this year than I was in my first year. I think this is because I have adapted to the university way of life. I am definitely a very different person to who I was in first year and I am more interested in the social side of things. One of the big changes this year is that I joined a society. I didn't sign up to any in first year as there was none that caught my eye, but this year I am actually on the committee for my universities magazine. Even though at times, it does feel like I have given myself additional work, I've really enjoyed my time on the magazine and I can't wait to continue with it in my final year.

I also feel that this year I have a more solid friendship group outside my housemates. In first year, I only really spent time with my housemates, but this year, I've been spending way more time with people on my course. It actually makes me a bit sad as some of them are going off to do different things and I'm going to miss them like hell. These are people who I think I'll be friends with for life and I'm so glad I got to meet them. 

The Living Side

Something I have grown the most comfortable with is living away from home. I do want to start this section by saying that I love living at home and spending time with my family, but I'm so grateful to the time I've had away from home. I feel way more confident as a person and am able to make decisions all by myself. I've discovered what makes me happy and found a sort of routine that works for me. I've also become very comfortable spending time by myself. This might sound weird, but I do spend a lot of evenings by myself in my room, recharging my batteries and I really enjoy it. It's relaxing, but I also know that I have the opportunity to hang out with people if I want. I can happily say that when I do eventually live by myself, I will feel happy and confident to do so.

I hope you guys have enjoyed this honest post about my time at university. As I've still got just over a year left, I will be making a few more updates on my remaining time as a student. 

Carenza :) x 

Killer Creativity- The Ups and Downs of Being a Creative| Carenza Bramwell

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is the ups and downs of being a creative, and more specifically the killer nature of creativity. It probably isn't a surprise to anyone reading this, but I consider myself a creative person. I do a Creative Writing degree and my passions in life have always fallen on the creative side. Yet in the past year or so, I've been noticing how sometimes wanting to be creative is emotionally draining. 

I've been experiencing frequent burnt out periods, times where I feel so uninspired to do the things I love. I've noticed this more since I started my degree in particular. As much as I love my degree and I couldn't imagine studying anything else, I also feel that I have turned my passion into something I dread. Maybe it's because I'm at a stage in my life where I am not doing exactly what I want to do and my work is focused on areas and projects I don't care for. Since starting my degree, I don't want to work on my own projects. That's why I made one of my goals this year to work on one non-uni writing project. 

A side effect of feeling burnt out all the time is that when I do have inspiration or time to pursue my own projects, I don't want to. I want time off from what I do and yet I never give myself that time off. Writing this makes it sound like I don't like writing and that I don't want to spend my life doing that, but that's not true. I love writing and I can't wait to make a career out of it. I think I'm in that awkward stage where I'm still trying to work out what it is within writing that I like and finding what makes me passionate. If you had asked me at the start of my degree, I would have said either YA novels or a stage play. Over a year and half later, I know want to work in the TV and film sector. 

A contributing factor to why I sometimes I find creativity a killer is because like everyone else I crave validation and success. I want people to go "wow, you're really good" and sometimes people do that, but a lot of the time it's about learning and improving. This feeling comes more from putting my writing online. I see all these people succeeding and I wonder why I'm not. We all have a need to be the best at what we do and we seek validation through praise, but it takes time to get to that stage. I've been running this blog for almost five years and one of the things that demotivates me is the fact that not many people follow my little, somewhat niche corner of the internet. I am not well known for my blogging and that makes me sad. What makes me even sadder is that I know I don't need validation and success to be happy at what I do. Yes, I put so much time into working on my blog and my degree, and the results are average. Average is fine and I'm slowly learning that I don't need everyone patting me on my back for me to know that I am actually good at what I do. 

All of this boils down to why do I like being creative? What is the reason that I do this? It's not for success, validation or to spend hours upon hours doubting my skills. I like being creative because it makes me happy. Simple as that. With the things I create, I want to make other people happy. Something that inspires me to be a writer is the fact that there are writers out there who have inspired me and I would like to be that person for someone else. Even if I only inspire one person, I consider that I job well done. This contradicts what I just said, but I don't care about praise and success and awards (though some would be nice), what makes me a happy and hopefully one day somewhat successful writer, is that fact that someone out there might pick up a pen because of me. 

As creatives, we strive to be constantly creating and working, yet we never give ourselves breaks. We bounce from project to project, craving validation, but we end up burning ourselves out. It is trying to break this cycle that makes us good creatives. Don't force creativity for the sake of creativity, let it flow naturally. Work on things that make you happy (unless you have to work on those for your degree, then you have to work on those as well). Despite the fact that these thoughts are constantly swirling around my head all the time, I am proud to be a creative and I will be one until the day I die.

All the best,

Carenza x  

2019 Favourites| Carenza Bramwell

With 2019 well and truly over, and 2020 seemingly turning out to be another chaotic year, it's high time I look back on 2019 and share some of my favourites from the end of the last decade. This list will be comprised of some of my favourite books, cultural moments (TV/Film/Theatre etc) and moments of 2019. 

Books

My 2019 reading year wasn't the best compared to the years since I started using goodreads. That being said, I have picked out 6 books/series that I considered to be my favourites of the past year. I'm going to list them in the order I read them, rather than the order I consider them to be my favourites.  

The Heartstopper Series by Alice Oseman

I had never read an Alice Oseman book before I picked up the Heartstopper series and I've now read most of her published work. Who doesn't love a super cute graphic novel about a gay couple? The story is sweet, the illustrations adorable, it therefore is unsurprising that this series became one of my favourites of the year. I cannot wait to read the third volume this year!

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid 

Like most people who picked up the Seven Husbands, I was swept away by it. I am a bit hesitant to put it on my favourites list as I didn't love it as much as everyone else and I wasn't 100% with the twist at the end, apart from that I really enjoyed it and I read it in a day. I would love to see a TV series adaptation of this book so badly. 

Beautiful Boy by David Sheff

I picked this book as a bargain copy mainly because I saw that it had been adapted into a movie with Timothee Chalamet in it. I then became engrossed with how beautifully raw this book was. It is a non-fiction book that deals with topics of drug abuse and addiction, but I couldn't put it down. I still need to watch the movie, but if its anywhere near as good as the book, it will be a great movie. 

Strange the Dreamer Duology by Laini Taylor

On my third attempt of reading the Strange the Dreamer duology, I finally fell in love with it and am devastated that I have finished this incredible duology. I cannot recommend the audiobooks enough as I found that it really helped me to get emerged into the world and fully absorb myself in it. I need to read more books by Laini Taylor as Strange the Dreamer swept me away with how beautiful it was.

Sadie by Courtney Summers

This is another book with an amazing audiobook and the only book on this list that I don't actually own a copy of. I know I'm repeating myself at this point, but I was blown away by how good the audiobook was and the ending had me gripped on the edge of my seat. I would love to read another book like this at some point in the future. 

Serpent and Dove by Shelby Mahurin 

I have to admit that this was quite possibly my favourite book of the year. I am dying for the sequel that comes out either a day or two after my birthday this year. I haven't felt like this about a book in a very long time. It was just so refreshing and reminded me why I love books, I did not want to put it down. 

Culture 

2019 was a year for me that I realised how much I enjoyed consuming other medias. This year I had so many TV, film and theatre favourites that I've condensed it down to this small list. 

TV

Here is a list of my favourite TV shows from 2019 with a small summary of why I loved them: 

• Brooklyn Nine-Nine- After hearing everyone raving about it, I finally watched it and understood the hype.
• Sex Education- Opened up some important topics while having a stelar cast, great aesthetics and amazing characters.
• The Politician- A last minute discovery but a very funny comedy about politics, can't wait for the next series.
• Fleabag Season 2- Phoebe is an icon and I don't need to say anything else.
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer- Finally watched Buffy in most of it's glory (I finished it in 2020) and I have a need to watch it again. 

Film

I can't remember how many films I saw in 2019, but the one stand out film of the year was Call Me By Your Name. I adored the book and really enjoyed the film adaptation. Captain Marvel also is worthy of a shout out for being great and female empowerment. 

Theatre

The two theatre highlights of the year were Six the Musical and Fleabag. Both have a special place in my heart and if I could, I'd see them both again tomorrow. 

Moments

This is probably a repeat of something I've said in one of my previous blog posts, but some of my stand out moments of the year include seeing Bastille live in February 2019 and going to Bruges in August 2019. These are memories I will treasure for the rest of my life and wish I could relive.

So that concludes my 2019 favourites, I hope that 2020 is as good as a year as 2019 was.

All the best,

Carenza x

2019- The Ups, The Downs and The Ordinary| Carenza Bramwell

As promised in my last post, today's post is going to be a more detailed overview of what I got up to in 2019. 2019 was an insane year for me, I still can't quite believe that it happened at and that it wasn't a dream. This post is going to be split up into sections- uni, travel/things I did, reading and writing, and personal elements of 2019.

University

At the moment, I am second year Creative and Professional Writing student in Bristol. In 2019, I finished my first year of university and then started my second year. It is going by so quickly, I really could do with time slowing down for a little bit. I don't feel that it would be appropriate for me to talk about the personal side of my university life as it isn't fair on those that know me, but I will mention that like any other part of my life, there were ups and downs. Academically, I definitely enjoyed the second half of 2019. I think for me it was because the first year of any degree is all about building the foundation and that was very similar to doing Creative Writing as an A-Level. So far this year, I feel I have been challenged way more and am getting stuck into it. It terrifies me that I am graduating next year. But for now, let's focus on the present. 

Travel Bug

I think the title of this section nicely sums up a fun part of my life in 2019. Although I didn't do any major travelling apart from visiting Bruges in August, I did so many amazing things in 2019. I posted a month by month thread on my Twitter account (@carenzaonbooks). I saw so many incredible stage plays in 2019 that I will never forget. I think there were only two months last year where I didn't see a single play. I also finally got to see my favourite band, Bastille, live in February in London. It was a life-changing experience and made me realise that I really love concerts and new music. I've touched on it, but travelling to Bruges was one of my highlights of 2019. I hadn't been on holiday in almost six years and finally going was amazing. I've 100% caught the travel bug and am already planning my next adventure. 

Reading & Writing

For me 2019, wasn't the best for reading and writing. I think I was so focused on other things that I forgot how much I loved them both. I only read 88 books, which is still a lot, but ended up being less than I read in 2018. Writing wise, I only started two projects and I did not finish them. I think my problem is due to the fact that I do a writing degree, so it can feel like my time is consumed with it. This is a bizarre way to think about my dream future job, but I am someone that gets very demotivated easily. I mentioned this in my previous post, but one of my goals for this year is to make time for a non-uni writing project. 

Personal

Without going into details, 2019 was one of the worst years for me mentally. I struggled way more than I have done in the past. It got to a point that was so bad I reached out for help for the first time. It's something I need to follow up on as I'm still not at a mentally stable place I want to be, but I am way better than I was last year. It won't be a surprise as my 2019 was crazy busy and I never really gave myself any time off. While that might sound like my 2019 was bad, it was also filled with some great moments in my personal life and many that I will treasure for the rest of my life. 

Like the title suggests, 2019, for me, was a year filled with ups, downs and straight up ordinary moments. Despite it being a roller-coaster-esque year, I wouldn't change a thing about it. 

All the best,

Carenza x 

New Year (At Last)| Carenza Bramwell

It feels odd to be saying this in February, but Happy New Year! If you've been following my blog for a while, then you will know that I had to take a break from blogging towards the end of 2019 and well into 2020. I will admit that this break was longer than I had planned, however I am back and I intend to be blogging frequently for the foreseeable future. In the mean time, this post is going to a quick summary of my New Year plans, a little life update and what the future has install. 

What's Been Happening?

Let's start with a little life update. I am still in my second year of university, which means that I am officially halfway through my degree. It's a little bit scary to think I will be graduating next year, but I'll explain my rough plans for life after graduation in the future section of this post. 

Something I've already touched on is that I had to take a long break from my blog. This was because for most of the last few months of 2019, I wasn't well. I wasn't seriously ill, I should probably say, it was more a prolonged minor illness. I started to feel a bit run down towards the end of October and by mid-November I was spending most of my time in bed. It turns out, I had a nasty cold like virus and nothing serious. It just got to the point where I felt so drained all the time, I couldn't concentrate on most things. So far, my health has been okay and it was a bit of shock to feel so unwell for such a long time. I'm praying that something doesn't happen like that again. 

On a slightly more positive side, my family and I finally moved house. We've been in the process of moving house since August 2016 and moved into our new home in November 2019. It has been a lengthy process and we are still unpacking and sorting everything out. It's been a huge weight off our shoulders and something we're very happy about.

Those are some of the key things you need to know about what I've been up to for the past few months. I am writing a more in depth review of 2019, which will be posted later this week.

Resolutions

I am terrible at sticking to my resolutions, so this year I have picked five fairly simple ones that I am going to try and stick to. They are as follows:

1. Develop New Chosen Skill (Drawing/Doodling) 
2. Read Lots of Books!
3. Work On One Non-Uni Writing Project
4. Less Screen Time
5. Set Time Aside To Relax

I'll quickly summaries why these are my chosen resolutions for this year. Number One- I do a creative degree and I spend so much time working on creative projects, something I'd like to do is develop a new creative skill. I've chosen drawing/doodling as it's something I was really passionate about up until a few years ago. So far, I've been drawing something every day and I'm proud of my progress.

Number  Two- This is a fairly explanatory one, but I wasn't happy with the amount of books I read in 2019. This year, I'm going to try and read two books a week. 

Number Three- As I've already mentioned, I do a creative degree and a lot of my time and energy goes into that. So, this year I've decided that I want to set some time aside to make sure that I work on one non-uni project. I started watching Piera Forde's video's towards the end of last year and it really inspired me to work on project for me, rather than for my degree. My plan at the moment, is to spend the next few months planning this project and then do the bulk of the writing over the summer when I should have less commitments. 

Number Four- I have to admit that I developed a fairly unhealthy addiction to how much time I was spending on my phone last year. I was obsessed with spending as little time as I could on my phone. This year, I am trying to do this in a healthier way. I want to spend less time on my phone and other screens. I think that so far I am achieving this, but I am trying to do so without the added pressure. 

Number Five- You may have gathered from my other goals, that I have a slight workaholic tendency that I have decided that this year I want to make time to relax. I know that this is going to be a healthy addition to my life and so far my only rule is I can't do any work on these days. It also makes me want to get all my work done before my chosen chill day. I think that making time for self-care is really important and it's something I know that I need to do. 

I plan on updating you guys on my progress every few months as the year progresses. 

The Future

Onto the final and slightly ominous last section of this post. What does the future have installed for me? Well, I'll let you know in this rough little plan that I have.

Firstly, let's talk about the future of this blog. Something I learnt since I rebooted my blog last September was that writing three posts a week, while being a full time student and having a life, was that it was too much. This year, I have decided that while I am in uni, I will write two posts a week. Once summer rolls around, I might go back to three posts a week, but that is something for future me to think about.

Secondly, my rough plans for the rest of 2020 involve finishing my second year of uni, which will take up the first five months of the year. Next, I am planning to stay in Bristol over the summer and work. At the moment, I will be splitting my time between work experience and my paid job. My last plan for this year is to go inter-railing for a month. I am desperate to do this and I have an idea of when and where formulating. This will then bring us to September, when I will start my third and final year of university. 

Lastly, I have had to start thinking about the future beyond university. My very tender, early plans are that I might do a masters in scriptwriting. Then after that, we'll have to see where the future takes me.

All the best,
Carenza x