Killer Creativity- The Ups and Downs of Being a Creative| Carenza Bramwell

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is the ups and downs of being a creative, and more specifically the killer nature of creativity. It probably isn't a surprise to anyone reading this, but I consider myself a creative person. I do a Creative Writing degree and my passions in life have always fallen on the creative side. Yet in the past year or so, I've been noticing how sometimes wanting to be creative is emotionally draining. 

I've been experiencing frequent burnt out periods, times where I feel so uninspired to do the things I love. I've noticed this more since I started my degree in particular. As much as I love my degree and I couldn't imagine studying anything else, I also feel that I have turned my passion into something I dread. Maybe it's because I'm at a stage in my life where I am not doing exactly what I want to do and my work is focused on areas and projects I don't care for. Since starting my degree, I don't want to work on my own projects. That's why I made one of my goals this year to work on one non-uni writing project. 

A side effect of feeling burnt out all the time is that when I do have inspiration or time to pursue my own projects, I don't want to. I want time off from what I do and yet I never give myself that time off. Writing this makes it sound like I don't like writing and that I don't want to spend my life doing that, but that's not true. I love writing and I can't wait to make a career out of it. I think I'm in that awkward stage where I'm still trying to work out what it is within writing that I like and finding what makes me passionate. If you had asked me at the start of my degree, I would have said either YA novels or a stage play. Over a year and half later, I know want to work in the TV and film sector. 

A contributing factor to why I sometimes I find creativity a killer is because like everyone else I crave validation and success. I want people to go "wow, you're really good" and sometimes people do that, but a lot of the time it's about learning and improving. This feeling comes more from putting my writing online. I see all these people succeeding and I wonder why I'm not. We all have a need to be the best at what we do and we seek validation through praise, but it takes time to get to that stage. I've been running this blog for almost five years and one of the things that demotivates me is the fact that not many people follow my little, somewhat niche corner of the internet. I am not well known for my blogging and that makes me sad. What makes me even sadder is that I know I don't need validation and success to be happy at what I do. Yes, I put so much time into working on my blog and my degree, and the results are average. Average is fine and I'm slowly learning that I don't need everyone patting me on my back for me to know that I am actually good at what I do. 

All of this boils down to why do I like being creative? What is the reason that I do this? It's not for success, validation or to spend hours upon hours doubting my skills. I like being creative because it makes me happy. Simple as that. With the things I create, I want to make other people happy. Something that inspires me to be a writer is the fact that there are writers out there who have inspired me and I would like to be that person for someone else. Even if I only inspire one person, I consider that I job well done. This contradicts what I just said, but I don't care about praise and success and awards (though some would be nice), what makes me a happy and hopefully one day somewhat successful writer, is that fact that someone out there might pick up a pen because of me. 

As creatives, we strive to be constantly creating and working, yet we never give ourselves breaks. We bounce from project to project, craving validation, but we end up burning ourselves out. It is trying to break this cycle that makes us good creatives. Don't force creativity for the sake of creativity, let it flow naturally. Work on things that make you happy (unless you have to work on those for your degree, then you have to work on those as well). Despite the fact that these thoughts are constantly swirling around my head all the time, I am proud to be a creative and I will be one until the day I die.

All the best,

Carenza x  

Feeling Burnt Out- The Creative Killer| CarenzaOnBooks

Something I have been struggling with recently is feeling burnt out. I've been feeling disconnected from my creative side and uninspired to do things that are creative. This has become apparent, especially when it comes to my social media, especially with my blog. 

Compared to this time last year, I am incredibly busy. I feel like I have a never ending to do list and there is always something I should be working on. It doesn't help that the second year of any degree is fairly intense, plus I am now working on the student magazine, I have some minor part time jobs, I'm working on my blog and trying to balance all of this with having a normal life. You can see how all of this piled on top of me has lead to a creative burn out. 

Normally when it comes to my blog, I write the posts a week in advance. I write one a day as a way of spreading the work out and not feeling overwhelmed. Well for the last two weeks, I have been writing three blog posts in one day. I haven't been pre-writing and am feel a pressure to keep on top of this amount of work. I also have been struggling with my new commitment to the student magazine. I have a lot of articles to write and I put them off until I have to work on them. 

With my blog, I have noticed that I don't feel inspired in the same way when I started working on it back in September. Three posts a week is a lot. Coming up with around 15 ideas a month is difficult. All of this work has lead to a burn out. I feel uninspired and uninterested. I don't want to do anything that is vaguely creative. Sitting in bed all day, watching TV feels right. Yet, it also feels wrong. There is a more deep-seated issue here, but that's for another blog post.

I'm trying to feel inspired to work on my blog and my other creative projects. But I definitely stuck in a rut. Everything I try to work on feels unoriginal and lacklustre. I want to be creative but right now I don't have it in me. The smartest thing to do right now would be to step away and take some time to work on my problem. But that feels like giving up to me. So I'm trying to push my way through it. This probably isn't the healthiest way of coping with my problems, but I don't know what else to do.

When your whole life revolves around writing and being creative, it isn't hard to drive yourself towards a burnout. I think this is the first time in my life where I've actively been able to spot that I'm stuck in a burnout. I think that my way out of it is to spot that I am stuck in a burnout and to acknowledge that I have a problem. If this is something that I love doing, then it shouldn't feel like a chore. My problem is is that I am approaching it like I job. It is something that I am doing for fun. 

It will take time to work on this. My problems won't be fixed overnight. But to anyone else who is feeling burnt out, it isn't the end of the world and eventually you won't feel like this. Feeling burnt out is a totally normal part of the creative process. If we functioned at 100% all the time, then we wouldn't be a well rounded person. I may have to take some time away to work on my problem but at least I know that, through writing this, I have taken the first step to fixing it.

Carenza x