The year started good, I was getting into exercising and improving my life. I had been offered a place at the college of my dreams, but unexpectedly, my gran died. I had known for some time that she would die, but I never expected it to be as soon as it was. I had only been to one funeral before and that was when I was 3 years old, so I didn't know what to expect. I was both upset and relieved by the news of her death as she had been suffering from dementia. It is horrible to see someone you know forget who they were.
Her death had an odd effect on me. I felt empty, I had thought I would feel depressed, but I just felt empty. My family were amazing during this time, we all held each other together as there was so much to be done. After my grandpa died when I was 3, she had organised her own funeral, so it was a weight of our shoulders. While my family were amazing during this time, some of my friends were not so amazing. They found it hard to understand why I didn't want to be surrounded by people. I liked being with one person at a time and having them accuse me of trying to steal their friend, frankly didn't help.
It took me a few months to get my life back to a normal routine. I kept up with my school work and luckily, none of my grades slipped. What I found I had no interest was reading. I found it hard to sit down with a book, which is something that has never happened to me before. I also found that I wasn't that interested in my blog. I had started my blog on a whim, never really knowing why I did it. I just enjoyed writing and knowing that some people would read it. But in the months after her death, I fell out of love with the things I held dearest.
It was around this time that I discovered Bookstagram. A whole community where people who loved book talked about books. I'll be honest, I had no idea what I was doing at first. Most of my early bookstagram photos only have three likes. But soon, I began to pick up on how to make it easier for people to find my photos and get noticed. I started the year with 3 followers and ended the year with over 60.
In 2016 I discovered I had a new passion- Pop Funkos. I never stop talking about them on my blog or my bookstagram. I have been in love with Japanese culture for some time and finding something else I could collect made me happy. But with my love for Pop Funkos came a lapse in my love for Tsum Tsums. I plan to rectify this in 2017.
2016 seems to be a year of discovery for me, whether this was the book community or self-discovery, 2016 helped me find new things. At the end of 2015, I was severely depressed. I felt that I had no friends and I hated my school. It was definitely a rock bottom point in my life. But then I discovered BookTube. It felt that I had finally found people who truly understood my love for books and all things nerdy. Although I have never meet any of these people in person, it felt as though they were my friends.
From April to June, I took a break from blogging. I had the first set of serious exams and I knew that I needed to concentrate on them. While I was doing this to benefit my education, I couldn't help but miss my little corner of the internet. It was a place I had created, somewhere I could write and feel happy. But sometimes education has to come first and this was one of those times.
After my short break, I had planned to come back with a bang, but I ended up having major problems accessing my email that I use to run my blog. I ended up being logged out of my email for 2 months, missing my blog anniversary and feeling very left out of the book community. But by chance, I got my email back and began to blog again. I felt so out of practice when I re-joined the community.
My decision to take a break from blogging was to benefit my education. I had the first set of serious exams that I will have to sit in my life and I wasn't going to let anything prevent me from doing well. In truth, I didn't struggle as much as I thought I would. I had been told that this time would be stressful, but it wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be. I put my heart and souls into my revision, but deep down I know I could have put more effort in. When I picked my results up, I had done well but not as well as I wanted to do. I am someone who puts a lot of pressure on themselves, I expect nothing less than perfect and these results shocked me. I had tried so hard and it felt as though I was being punished, I felt that the grades I got weren't what I deserved. My friends and family were really supportive, as was my new college.
A lot of my peers would ask me how I motivated myself to revise so much. The truth was every day I spent working, was another day closer to leaving. I was so excited to leave the place that I had felt so miserable in for 5 years, that I knew I had to do well in my exams to get out of there. Although I had made friends there and have some good memories from my time there, I don't miss it. Being there effected my mental health, my family could see how unhappy I was.
Leaving my school and starting at a new college meant moving away from part of my family. I had lived in the same house for my whole life, so moving to another part of the country was daunting. But what I found more daunting was the prospect of not living with my mum. My family is very small, so I found it hard to leave her behind. Living with my dad has been one of the best things that could happened to me, it's made my relationship with him a lot stronger and makes me feel so privileged that my family are willing to give up so much for me. Just a quick note- my parents are not divorced, they are still happily married. They live separately so I can attend the college I am at.
Before starting at my new college, I had only been to two schools and both times I had gone with people I knew. So starting at a much larger college and not knowing anyone was terrifying. I hadn't even been living in my new area for a week when I started and I felt so out of place. Thankfully, my lecturers are all amazing and the people there were very warming to me. I have made some friends that I will keep for life. I found a place where I fit in and don't feel like an outsider and it is one of the nicest feelings in the world.
My personal life has been all over the place this year, but so has my reading life. In January, I set myself the challenge of reading 50 books. This is something I thought I would never reach, but in November I reached my goal. I have ended the year by reading over 60 books and I hope that I have such a good reading year in 2017. But in 2016, I definitely sat in my comfort zone and hardly read anything that wasn't fantasy.
I have two reading highlights of the year, the first was going to my second ever book signing. I was lucky enough to get tickets to Carrie Hope Fletcher's book signing and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. She was very nice to talk to and she complemented me on my name, which happens a lot but always makes me happy. In 2017 I hope to got to more book signings and bookish events, I am trying to go to YALC in July. My other highlight of the year was winning an Advanced Reader Copy of History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera. I had wanted to read this book since I saw people talk about it on BookTube. I had never thought that I would get an ARC and here I am, ending my 2016 owning my first ARC.
2016 was a very bad year for celebrity deaths. We started of the year losing David Bowie and Alan Rickman. By the end we had also lost Carrie Fisher and her mother Debbie Reynolds. I have never cursed on here before, but 2016- Fuck You! Not only was 2016 a year for deaths, but we had a lot of change in politics. Don't get me started on Brexit or Donald Trump, I cannot contain my rage when I get started. The year was also littered with terrorist attacks around the world. Every so often, we would wake up to a new hashtag and it would only be a few days before there was another one. I hope 2017 has nowhere near as many deaths, for celebrities and ordinary people.
2016 was a year of ups and downs, a year for change. With every new year comes a new change. I plan on using 2017 to grow as a person. To learn what I need to focus on and remember that life is short and you need to have fun. I am going to make my 2017 the best year possible. It's time to step out of my comfort zone and embrace the opportunities that are thrown at me. I am lucky enough to be surrounded with amazing people who love me. there are two main things I want to focus on in 2017, my family and my mental health. There are obviously lots of little things I want to focus on, such as fitting in more time for writing and exploring the new area I live in, but these are the things that I want to focus on the most. I started 2016 in a very bad mindset and I don't want 2017 to be the same.
I hope that you'll continue to follow me on this journey. I am truly grateful for this little corner of the internet that I have created. It still shocks me that people read what I have to say and continue to support me. I want to take this time to say, Thank You.
Love,
Carenza x
