Writing for the sake of Writing| CarenzaOnBooks

Over the past few months, I have been writing blog posts for the sake of getting something up on time on with my crazy upload schedule. I have been forcing myself to write half-arsed, rushed posts just so I can say "I wrote a blog post today". While that may be the way some people approach it, it doesn't work for me. I want to make content I am proud of and comfortable to share with strangers on the internet. At the moment I am not happy with the content I am posting.

Blogging is a hobby. I started blogging because I wanted something to do in my spare time and here I am two years later. I love blogging, it allows me to be creative and start conversations with people who have similar interests to me. Blogging, for me, was never about how many page counts I could get or how many followers I have. It was about finding a creative outlet that worked for me.

I pride myself on being a creative individual. Throughout my life, I have tried many different creative mediums including dance, acting (whether this be traditional acting or musical theater), art and crafts and now social media. It is rare for me to stick at something for an extended period, I am forever wanting to try new things (activity wise) and so blogging was a huge decision for me to make.

I was and am still in full time education. I have to prioritize my education, but lately social media has taken over my life to a unhealthy degree. I would get stressed and occasionally depressed if I didn't put out a new post that day. I let it take over my life and this is me, reminding me that blogging is a hobby. Maybe one day, in the near distant future, blogging could be my job, but right now, I don't gain any revenue from making these posts. I do it because I want to. But want turned into have to and that is never how you should feel about a hobby or something you enjoy.

The same thing has happened with reading. I am reading books because I have to so I can complete my GoodReads challenge. Reading is something I should do for fun, but now it something I do because I feel I have to. I want to go back to the days were I can sit down and read a book because I want to. The pressure of putting high quality reviews out frequently is very stressful. It's why I stopped doing Book Review Monday. They were low quality posts that I am not proud of.

I am a full time student, studying three separate courses that require 15 hours contact time per subject and 15 hours independent study (overall) a week. I live between two houses, meaning I don't get to see part of my family that often and when I do I want to make that time good quality. I am volunteering at two places to gain credentials on my CV. I want to make good memories and do things I'll enjoy and yet with all this pressure I'm putting on myself, all I spend my time doing is watching YouTube because I'm afraid of how much I have to do. I have been off college for three weeks now (it finished for the academic year, I'm not ill) and it doesn't feel like I am off college because I am spending so much time working, whether that be on college work or blogging.

This month (July) is Camp NaNoWriMo and because I want to be a writer in the future, I thought it would be a smart idea to challenge myself to writing 50000 words this month. I may be enjoying it, but finding time to fit everything else in has become chaotic.

The point of this rambly post is that I put too much pressure on myself with my commitments. From now on, I am only going to post when I feel like it and not stick to a crazy upload schedule. I could post one really good post and then not post something for a couple of weeks and that it okay. Blogging is still a relatively new career option and competition is scary, yet exciting. I am so happy to be a part of this community, but I need to remember that by forcing myself to create content I am not making content I am proud of and as a creator, I am failing my audience and myself. Today the pressure lifts ever so slightly and I remind myself that this is something I do for fun, not for a job.
Carenza x