A few weeks ago, I saw Lady Bird in the cinema. I had seen the trailer and I thought, here's a film I'm going to enjoy. It's not just another coming of age story, it's a coming of age story we can all relate to and all see ourselves in. It's a coming age story for the people who have no clue what they're doing and the people who are a bit socially awkward. It's the coming of age story for people like me.
Lady Bird hits harder than any other coming of age story I've seen as at this point in my life, I am going through many of the things she went through. I am in the agonizing process of applying to University. I'm spending my days stressing that I won't be able to get in and if I do get in, how the hell am I going to afford.
I'm experimenting with what my interests are. I change my main passion all the time because there are so many exciting things happening in the world. One minute, I want to become a best-selling YA author, the next I want to be a Tony award-winning playwright and five minutes later I'm practising an Oscar acceptance speech for a film I've written in my head. Truth is, while I know what field of work I want to work in, I have no clue where it will take me.
Two years ago, I wanted to be the next Cassandra Clare and write urban fantasies, now I want to write plays worthy of Tony Kushner's attention. A few years before that I wanted to be the next Zoella and have a super successful beauty blog. My potential career path has changed more times than I've dyed my hair in the last three years (I've dyed it three times if anyone cares). All these opportunities dance before me and yet pinning them down is the challenge.
Friend-wise, I have a group of phenomenal friends, and yet I find myself content in my own company. I'm not sure where I sit within this friendship group, I'm very much an outsider, and yet they have accepted me as one of their own. Soon, we'll all be leaving and making new friends and going on new, exciting adventures.
I'm fortunate to have one constant friend, an incredible girl I've been friends with since I was five years old. We've had our ups and downs, as any friendship has had, but we are still friends. We are still there for each other at the end of the day and although we leave many, many miles away from each other, we will always be there.
I may be nearly an adult and yet I have no clue what I am doing. Some may call my obsession with books and Harry Potter and all things bizarre childish, but they are what make me happy. I wouldn't call my interests conventional- they're niche. They don't quite fit the age range I belong in.
Truth is, I'm still growing up. And, yes, I am legally an adult in a few months time, but I don't feel like I am nearly an adult. There's still a lot of things I have to experience. First loves. First time leaving home. First car. First job. There are a million firsts before me. I am still growing up, but I'll get there.
Carenza x
